I like how people wonder why I don’t talk about my problems. Why I don’t confined in them. Or talk to them about how I’m struggling.
Because every time I go to someone about a problem I’m asked if it might be all in my head or told that it is just in my head. However just telling me it’s in my head and shouldn’t worry about it doesn’t help at all. It makes it worse. I already know a lot of things are all in my head but it doesn’t make it unreal for me. Because it is real for me. And I have to deal with it on my own. If I think someone hates me or is out to get me, i will. Infact you telling me it’s in my head makes it worse. It makes me think that they’re really good at hiding it. And then I start worrying that others may be in on it too. Or I will simply feel crazy.
I can’t express enough to them how bad my pranoia can get. It makes me hide in my room. And I get very on edge and jumpy. To the point where a fly or bee buzzing against my window will make me check that no ones at my window. Or that no one is hiding in my room.
I go through the mantra ‘it’s just in my head and it’s not really happening’ but it doesn’t always work.
But it’d be nice to have some support from my family about my paranoia, it just doesn’t happen sadly.