I have a friend (let’s have you all know him as Ash) who this year as really been there for me. And also unlike most knows how to calm me when I’m going through one of my ‘episodes’. He doesn’t judge and has a very close family member who has depression. So he tends to see through most of the lies I tell when I’m trying to cover up how I feel and what’s really going on in my head. 

Yet another friend of mine who used to be friends with him is constantly telling me how “he’s a back stabber” and pretty much a really shit friend and lies all the time to get what he wants. 

Yet where was he when I needed him? He was no where to be found. He was also the one who black mailed me when I was 14 years old for pictures of me in my underwear. And then when I sent him them he then wanted nudes. How ever I couldn’t go that far. This was also when my eating disorder made a lovely appearance in my life. I would talk to him because I like most teens, Had thought I’d found love and that he was wonderful. 

He was far from wonderful. He’s one of those people that when you say you’re depressed or feeling really low will turn around and say “stay positive… go for a walk? Find a hobby?” Well fuckaroo Jacob, I didn’t think of that! I’ve just been for a walk Jacob and I feel better already. 

No Jacob if it worked like that then I wouldn’t be fucking depressed. I try not to be bitter about how he doesn’t understand what depression is. In a way it’s kind of good. He’s lived a life where he hasn’t felt depressed or had any mental health problems. Or even a loved close one that’s going/been through it. 

Back to what he did to me when I was 14… 

so after I didn’t give him the pictures he so desperately needed. In order to show him that I truly loved him, he would need these photos by the end of the year. 

A few days pass and I’ve pretty much starved my way through December and I haven’t sent him nudes. I wake up to a message from him on Facebook on New Year’s Eve. He pretty much said he can’t wait around for me any longer, he needs to move on because it’s too hard for him. And that if I really loved him I’d of sent him nudes by now. 

Now my 14 year olds ass thought the world was crashing down. But little did I know the worst was yet to come. YAY FOR ME, because I just love a surprise. 

I log on to Facebook to see he had been posting a few statuses about me. Sadly they were not about how heart broken he was. Nopeee. He called be a crazy physco ex. I had threatened to kill myself if he didn’t stay with me. So him being a gent stayed with me. Just so I didn’t kill myself. To make it worse he’d screen shot a conversation where I JOKINGLY said that if my day got any worse I’d kill myself with a spoon. He’d twisted everything I said. He started telling everyone I was a slut. And that I should stop stalking him. I then had random girls message me, telling he to back the fuck away. To leave poor Jacob alone. How what I did was fucked up and I shouldn’t be such a slut. The only thing I’d done was sent him a few pictures of me in my underwear. I hadn’t even held a boys hand. But I was slut shamed and made to feel crazy. 

I basically cried my way through the new year until March. It doesn’t end there. He messaged me saying he was sorry. I stupidly forgave him. However we basically went round a roundabout and the whole thing happened again. Except he didn’t make nasty posts about it.

We are now just on and off friends. It’s not much of a friendship, I will never trust him and I will never forget what he done. But I will still make small talk with the prick. Mostly because I pitty the fool. 

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