I will say one thing to you and another to my self in my head. 

I always have done, and I’m pretty sure everyone does. I’ll agree to go places, try have fun, smile and laugh. I’ll even make it sound like I’m planning for the future, that I have a rough plan, what job I want. But in my head It’s completely different, more than you could imagine. Everyone’s pain is different. No pain is the same. 

I’m getting good at lying again. It’s what I did last year. But I don’t have to lie here, not yet anyway. I’m back to my old mind set. The only way to stop the pain and hurt is to stop feeling and being here. I know some people think it’s weak to do it. But it’s getting to the tipping point. The point where I just don’t want to pretend anymore. I’m tired of crying in secret all the time. Always faking my happiness. There’s just no point, not from my point of view. 

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