At the moment I’ve been diagnosed with a emotionally unstable personality disorder, and an eating disorder.  Which almeans I get really fucking paranoid, like sitting in my nans house thinking my entire family are plotting something against me is something that happens. I also for some strange reason care what my 2nd cousin (I think he is anyway) thinks of me. Along with everybody else of course (I REALLY care what people think of me) so anyway,  he lives in Canada and I’ve met him in person once. I got unfriended from him a few weeks ago and got suspicious that he hated me so I message him about it, just like casually.. and he says he doesn’t know why I’m not on his friends list anymore and re adds me. Then roughly a week later it happens again. So now I’m super suspicious. My mind has many thoughts, such as: 

‘wtf have I done now?’

‘Why does everyone hate me?’

‘I’m a such a loser’

‘Even a member of your own family doesn’t wanna know you’

All because I got unfriended. And it’s not just a one off. Every time I’m blocked or unfriended I take it really personally. Wether I should or not, I don’t know. 
Maybe all I did was post too many selfies or too many jokes I find funny but they don’t. 

But does paranoid me consider that at the time? Oh no no no! I think or that many months down the line. 

Ps I got drunk one night and messaged him saying I’ll take a hint then got re added again… 🤷🏼‍♀️

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3 thoughts on “My paranoia

  1. i hope you don’t mind me sharing my opinion…
    it sounds to me like you might want to take a break from social media. if that seems impossible maybe you would benefit from having only close friends and family on facebook. i don’t like having people on there, even family, if they don’t talk to me and don’t show an interest in knowing me. some people are in another state and traveling so I try not to take it personally. but it hurts to get ignored and i imagine getting deleted without an explanation would hurt worse. maybe your second cousin is honestly not trying to delete you and its a glitch. maybe hes an asshole and thinks you wont notice but why would he add you back…. i wish you luck.

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  2. its okay to over react but when you think oh what did I do and bla bla just think 1 how do I help my self 2 if they don’t like me will I die and then see the results

    Like

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